Alvarez Shenanigans
by Ladyfire-Azula
Summary: Spoilers for chapter 444 What's the worst way to spend your morning in Alvarez? Coffee-deprived Neinhart or sulking Dimaria who can't cook? Perhaps an impatient and obnoxiously loud Ajeel or name-calling Bloodman? No, it can get worse then that...a lot worse. A book of one-shots of the Spriggan 12 and Zeref. Maybe Fairy Tail. (Crackish) Zervis(implied), more pairings to come.
1. Prologue

_Welcome to the Prologue. You all will now be introduced to the Spriggans. Just letting you know, one of the Spriggans is not a canon character. I thought up the character thinking it was a girl when in reality it was a boy (Bradman/Bloodman). The Spriggan 12 need another girl so I just added her in instead. Later on, if we actually do get another girl, I might get rid of her and replace her with the canon character, if I don't feel too bad. For now, enjoy!_

He woke to find half of his face covered in sticky wetness. Lifting his head, he realized that the stickiness was in fact a blend of ink and drool. What happened exactly? Zeref rubbed his eyes, trying to get them to focus. Reopening his eyes he found a dark oak desk covered with papers, ink pens, and ink holders. One of the small black containers that held the black ink was tipped over. He must have knocked it over in his sleep. Surprisingly, it wasn't dry yet. That meant that the ink on his left cheek must be still wet, he could easily wash it off. The Black Wizard pushed himself away from his desk and trudged to the bathroom. Sleeping on a desk is never a wise idea; unless on wanted to wake up with a stiff neck. Zeref arched his head side to side as he turned on the silver faucet. The clean cool water hit his hand with such ferocity he had to twist the knob a bit to calm it. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror. The morning light came flooding though the large bathroom window hitting his face, illuminating his pale complexion. Zeref frowned at the other half of his face; it was covered in black, slightly flaky dried up ink. So his calculations were incorrect. Doesn't matter, he'd have to clean it off anyway and make sure to not leave a single spec or Invel might start freaking out thinking he caught the plague.

He remembered the last time how he somehow got hot candle wax down his shirt, leaving small marks on his skin which looked suspiciously like chicken pox. As he was trying to clean the wax off, Invel burst into the room and nearly had a heart attack upon seeing that there was a few specks of pinkish red irritated skin on his neck. He spent an hour trying to calm the white haired Spriggan down. It didn't help that Wahl and Ajeel were constantly spouting out random symptoms of medieval diseases scaring Invel out of his wits. Zeref never really could grasp why Invel cared so much, or reacted such a way. He tried asking Dimaria and Brandish but the former laughed at him and walked away while the latter mumbled about him being such a painfully unobservant idiot. He was about to give her a lecture on manners (No one should call their Emperor an idiot, especially in front of them) but Invel materialized out of nowhere and gave her the biggest lecture in all human kind.

Zeref opened the mirror revealing a hidden cupboard. Grabbing a napkin, he dunked it into the water and scrubbed his cheek, trying to remove the stubborn stain off. The blackness initially refused to wash off but upon more desperate and rougher scrubbing, the ink lightened. Finally, the stain was throughly cleaned off leaving behind red skin. He must have scrubbed too hard. He could already hear Invel's declaration on getting a doctor. If only he had some white powder to hide the mark before it went away… Bloodman! She would have skin powder that she might be willing to share (unlike Brandish or Dimaria). Stealthily, Zeref peaked into the hallway, the white designed quartz floors worked well at detecting any incomers. No shadows…or any sound at all. Everyone was probably eating breakfast. Good.

Cautiously, he lined himself against the white washed walls and slowly made his way towards the staircase that was supposed to be on his right. Bloodman's room was located two floors down, through the right wing hallway around a corner. Zeref looked over the grand marble stairway, other then a couple of servants, no one was walking about. Wait a sec…why was the palace so empty? At this time of day, he should have come across at least a few dozen servants! Something was going on. Zeref frowned and quickly descended down the stairs. Suddenly, he spotted through the large painted window the cooks dressed in their usual white outfits in the courtyard smoking and hanging out.

His eyes narrowed, they shouldn't be out here…unless. Zeref twisted on his heels and took off down the last several flights towards the kitchen. If the cooks were outside then…

He burst through the kitchen doors to find his suspicions to be proven correct.

A crimson haired women by the name of Bloodman was standing by the stove cooking, a middle eastern looking man named Ajeel was sitting by the kitchen table impatiently waiting and Dimaria, a young blonde haired and brown eyed women was sulking on the kitchen counter.

"What happened?" Zeref asked, already scanning the room for anything out of the ordinary. To his surprise, he found nothing at all out of place…except for a dark figure sitting in a secluded corner, armor glinting off the bits of light. How did Neinhart manage to make all the light around him to just disappear…

"Neinhart hasn't had his coffee yet Bipolar Mortulo" A deep feminine voice said.

Neinhart growled, "Horrible coffee."

A cloud of depression settled around Dimaria, "It wasn't that bad…" she mumbled.

"It tasted worse then death." Ajeel stuck his tongue out in disgust, his loud voice echoing off the walls.

Zeref only watched the dark cloud thicken around the short haired Spriggan.

"I think you should be forbidden from entering the kitchen blonde walker." Bloodman lightly teased her.

"Bloodman, try to be a little nicer." Zeref scolded,

She turned around, her amber eyes flashing. "I am nice." She pouted.  
Zeref glanced back at Dimaria. "Sure you are."

Bloodman frowned at him. her aquamarine tikka glimmered. Something seemed off about her, different. Zeref cocked an eyebrow,

"You changed your outfit again?"

Bloodman was wearing a long white skirt with the sides cut open revealing her legs. She wore a crop top that had metal chest plate that ended in a sharp point around the direction of her shoulders. Her right chest plate had a sea green Alvarez insignia carved into it and around the silver metal, hot pink engravings outlined the chest plate. The middle of the chest plate had an opening revealing her cleavage and was held together by black string. What was up with women and showing off as much skin as possible.

Suddenly, the door to the kitchen opened,

"We have an emergency. There is rebellion in the South." A man of average height marched into the room. His white hair was tied in a loose ponytail by a gold band, his rectangular glasses glinted from the light coming from one of the grand windows of the kitchen. His irises were red, the only color that contrasted from his monotonic blue, black, and white attire. He wore an ice blue tie, white collared shirt and bicolored trench coat along with a firm expression.

"Emergency?" Zeref looked over his shoulder meeting Invel's eye.

Invel's eyes widened, he dropped the document he was holding.

"Your Majesty?" He asked, his voice taking a hight pitch.

Then it hit Zeref, he forgotten all about the mark on his face he got from this morning…crap.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE! DID YOU FALL, OR CONTRACT HERPES! DIMARIA, CONTACT THE DOCTOR!" Invel cried out in horror.

Zeref opened his mouth to try and calm the Winter General but before he could even say a word, Invel already was trying to apply ice to his left cheek.

"Invel, calm down, it is nothing!" Zeref cried out, "I just tried to remove some ink and my skin turned a little pink!"

"Are we to expect a special announcement soon?" Dimaria sat up having recovered from her depression.

Invel's cheeks reddened, Zeref sent a questioning look to the pants-wearing knight.

"What announcement?"

She opened her mouth to answer but was immediately interrupted by Ajeel.

"How long does it take to make a single cup of coffee!"

Bloodman glared at Ajeel, her amber irises narrowing into slits.

"You make one more comment…and you won't get any coffee!"

Silence so tense that even a meat knife couldn't cut through followed. Bloodman and Ajeel held a scowling contest, neither of them backing down. Dimaria lifted three fingers, she mouthed "Three…two…one…"

"Like hell you won't! You already made it!"

"I won't give it to you then! I will give it to his majesty instead!" she shouted back.

The coffee began to bubble, Neinhart lifted his head, his bright eyes narrowed, a vein threatened to throb. The coffee was ready, why wasn't Bloodman getting it off the stove?

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NOO!"

A foul burnt smell rouse from the coffee, it filled the entire kitchen in seconds. Neinhart let out a low growl, he slowly got up from his dark corner, an angry aura surrounded him. Zeref, Invel, and Dimaria immediately backed away from Ajeel and Bloodman, silently praying that Neinhart wasn't as mad as he seemed.

"I WON'T GIVE YOU COFFEE!" Shouted Bloodman.

"HELL-"

Suddenly, Neinhart was upon the two bickering Spriggans. With one swift motion, he grabbed the two by their collars, (Bloodman by the back of her chest plate) and swung them through the window. CRASH

Bloodman and Ajeel went flying through the marble wall and disappeared into the outside world.

Zeref, Invel, and Dimaria sweat-dropped;

"Was that really necessary?" Dimaria asked, slightly unsettled.

Neinhart looked towards her, his face clear of all emotion, "My coffee was ruined again."

"What an eventful morning…" Invel mumbled,

"How much will it cost to fix the wall with imported marble?" asked Zeref under his breath.

Invel removed a piece of paper from his coat pocket. "Over 100,000 jewels your majesty."

"Order 1 ton of white marble and quartz." Zeref commanded, "And…add a coffee machine…"


	2. To Fool a Black Wizard

**Hi! Just letting you know midterms are starting and I only prepared half of the New Year Special (2K words). I spent all winter break making sure it is funny and entertaining. I want to thank all my friends for helping me realize what my writing is missing. Hopefully I will update in two weeks!**

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The amber sun was barely peeking from the horizon. The small elongated clouds were like foggy mirrors reflected the dying orange lights. Most of the sky has been consumed by the ever creeping darkness. The mountains that outlined the border of Alvarez were pitch black, a sharp contrast to the warm colored sky, their peaks were jagged shark teeth, shaping the last remnants of the sunlight.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Zeref's lips. The fire lacrima flickered as his quill scratched on the ebony parchment. His simple task accompanied by the peaceful atmosphere relaxed him. These moments were as rare as the blue moon lifted the usual heavy weight off his tired shoulders, elating his mood and easing his breath. With a flick of his wrist, Zeref signed his signature at the end of the contract. Freedom at last. He pushed back his pecan brown chair and arched, stretching out his stiff muscles. His back gave a nice _CRACK_ ; he yawned and climbed to his feet. The last of the sun has now sunk into the horizon. Zeref's smile grew as he watched the entire sky dimmed into a deep royal purple, azure blue, and then finally the all familiar black. Everything was quiet, no sound, no light…

Suddenly, a peculiar odor seeped into the room. Hie nose perked upon detecting the sweet, rich, nutty and fruity smell. Never in his 400 years has he come across such a unusual scent. His childish curiosity provoked, he stealthily opened the polished ash door peaking his head out to carefully to sniff the air. The aroma felt warm, inducing his nose and tongue. Tiptoeing through the empty halls, he occasionally sniffed the air, tracking the odor.

"It must be coming from the kitchen." He thought to himself as he reached the stairs towards the back of the smell continuously got stronger as he approached the steel kitchen doors. Pushing them open, the once rather faint odor hit him like a truck. He stumbled, overwhelmed by the intensity of the smell. It didn't help that the room was blistering hot, already sweat prickled his skin.

"His majesty has finally joined us!" A familiar voice cheerfully announced.

Zeref looked up to find Bloodman in a chef's hat smiling brightly at him whilst stirring something in a porcelain pot. His eyes scanned the kitchen finding three of the twelve patiently sitting around the marble table in the center of the humongous 30 by 40 foot space.

"What's going on?" He asked, slightly puzzled at the peacefulness of the shields for they rarely were quiet while in the same room. His charcoal eyes narrowed upon not receiving an answer. Bloodman looked up from her stirring.

"Oh, have a seat, I'm almost done."

She wasn't answering his question…

"Okay, what happened!?" he demanded, glancing at Invel.

Invel shook his head, "I have no clue your majesty but apparently Bloodman is creating some sort of traditional dessert native to the southern countries."

Zeref frowned. He swiftly stood over to inspect Bloodman's concoction. The pleasant scent rose off as steam from the pot. The wind mage shifted allowing him a better look at the mixture. He was met with a shiny thick brown syrup that made Zeref's mouth water. It took all of his self control to not dip his finger into the rich looking molasses and try it for himself. A hunch told him he would not be disappointed.

"This dessert is…?" He leaned in closer only to have Bloodman block his advances with her arm.

"Have a seat, it's almost ready."

He refused to budge.

She rolled her eyes, "It's chocolate! Now have a seat!" She demanded.

"How dare you speak in that manner to his majesty!" Scolded Invel, "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"It's fine Invel.," Zeref interrupted, "Bloodman was probably trying to keep the cocolate-"

"Chocolate!" Bloodman corrected.

"-chocolate hair free." he finished.

"Jeez Invel, you are such a stiff neck!" Ajeel finally spoke up. He scowled at Invel from underneath his reading glasses.

Zeref nearly fell out of his chair, "SINCE WHEN DO YOU WEAR GLASSES!?"

Ajeel promptly ignored the Black Mage and continued reading.

"YOU'RE READING A BOOK!?" he jumped to his feet.

Ajeel looked up from his book mildly annoyed, "Yeah…why? You doubt my intellectual abilities?!"

"The world must be finally ending…" Zeref mumbled exasperated.

"OI!" Ajeel shouted.

"He's right." Bloodman added, "You don't have intellectual abilities. Reading must be hurting your bird-like brain."

"THAT'S IT!" Sand materialized out of nowhere whirl-pooling around Ajeel.

"Ajeel!" Bloodman looked angrily over her shoulder, "Stop your tantrum at once! You will ruin the surprise! Oh come on, sand already got into this…" She pulled up her skirt to cover the pot.

"Who's stirring up the pollen!" A voice echoed throughout the partially empty kitchen, "At this rate I will get hay fever!"

The doors flew open and Brandish marched in. Her high heeled sandals clicking on the polished sand stone floor.

"Brandish." Zeref regained his composure and nodded towards the Nation Demolisher.

She sniffed, curling her lip in disgust. "What's going on here!?"

"Apparently Ajeel can read." Bloodman answered.

Brandish's eyes widened, her jaw dropped. "What?"

Ajeel growled at Brandish, "One more word about my reading abilities…" he seethed.

"He also has reading glasses." Zeref added, in a slight teasing tone.

"ENOUGH!" Ajeel rammed his fist angrily into the ground. The floor jolted as the stone shattered underneath the force

"AJEEL!" Invel bellowed, "CONTROL YOUR ANGER! OR I WILL FREEZE YOUR BUTT TO THE FLOOR RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW AND YOU WILL STAY HERE ALL NIGHT!"

Ajeel paled, his usual mojave bronze skin whitened so much it looked almost bleached.

"Ah…" Brandish gave a half-smile, "Finally…peace and quiet…"

Ajeel opened his mouth to retort but promptly shut up upon spotting a warning glare from Invel.

"DONE!" Bloodman announced as she switched off the stove and poured the possibly-a-gift-from-the-gods into a metal bowl. She whirled on her heels and pulled open a small lacrimanal mini fridge and removed a rack of orange see-through rectangular-prisms. Using her hip to shut the cooler, Bloodman gracefully placed the frosted-over rack onto the black and white marble table.

"And those are?" Zeref asked.

Her reply was absentminded, "Orange jello."

"Orange…" Zeref's eyes started to sparkle in a childish wonder.

He was so preoccupied with the orange jello that he completely missed Bloodman's smirk. She removed a long seven inch tooth pick (if you would call it a tooth pick) and pierced the semi-hard jello. At first it wouldn't pierce through the iced over cover but upon applying more pressure, the jello's shell crunched and the stick slowly sank to the bottom of the piece. She picked it up and dipped the shiny orange gem into the bowl or melted chocolate.

Everyone awed as Bloodman skillfully lifted the now chocolate covered jello piece and twisted the stick between her palms allowing the excess chocolate to drip off. Zeref glanced over at Brandish to find her drooling, her entire chin already covered in saliva. Bloodman licked her lips as she gingerly plucked off the gelatin and gently placed it onto the rack. The heat of the chocolate melted the hard exterior of the jello, softening the insides. The odor of chocolate and now warm orange blended together creating a harmonious melody.

The process was repeated again and again, hypnotizing her audience with every single chocolate covered orange gelatin piece. Bloodman pouted slightly as she lightly poked one of the finished pieces. She smiled and pulled out a bowl from the over head cupboard. Ajeel finally lost his patience:

"Is it done yet!?"

"Almost, just need his majesty to promise something."

Zeref broke out of his trance, slightly disoriented, "Yes…" He asked suspiciously.

She flashed him her most innocent grin, she leaned the bowl so that way he could get a peak inside of it.

"Promise not to get mad." She said.

"About what?" This can't be good…

She fidgeted with one of the chocolates.

"OI! Just give the chocolates to us!" interrupted Ajeel.

"I agree!" Brandish hissed.

Invel remained silent, his face unreadable.

"Well…" Zeref said vexed.

"So…" Bloodman continued to play with the chocolate piece. "I kind of signed a peace treaty with one of the souther countries…with your signature."

Silence filled the room as her words were slowly processed.

" **WHAT!** " Invel cried out, his voice echoed, "I dare say, REPEAT!"

Bloodman ignored the infuriated winter general.

Zeref's usual raven black eyes turned scarlet red, "Elaborate…" he growled out, his voice dangerously low.

Bloodman tensed up, standing in a very straight line, sweat developed on her forehead as she tried to gain some control of her fear, " I…eh…signed a peace treaty with the country of Gladorburg in exchange for trading rights and…um…" Her voice started to shake so she stopped herself and gulped, "In exchange for teaching me how to make their infamous dishes of chocolate which they never shared with anybody in all of history."

Tense silence followed. Brandish's mouth fell open, Invel gaped at her and Ajeel snickered.

Zeref shook his head, anger slowly built up inside his gut, threatened to overtake him:

"Excuse me!? But EXACTLY WHO GAVE YOU THE AUTHORITY TO-"

Bloodman quickly catapulted the piece she was holding right into his wide open mouth. The effects were instant. The chocolate melted on his tongue, blessing his taste buds with the semi-sweetness and richness it had to offer. The orange jello was a sharp contrast to the chocolate, giving a spike of citrus that nearly overwhelmed him. His eyes reverted back to normal and his angered facial expression softened, forgetting about the whole ordeal in the heavenly bliss the sweetness sent him to. Bloodman relaxed letting out the breath she didn't realize she was holding. Ajeel frowned, disappointed that his rival/(something he would never admit) didn't get a lecture. Invel looked mesmerized by Zeref. Finally, the Emperor swallowed and his eyes snapped open:

"Fine, I am letting you off the hook just this once. Don't expect to get away with anything like that again."

Bloodman firmly nodded, genuinely smiling. She placed the bowl on the table only to have Ajeel and Brandish literally attack it.


	3. New Year Special Part One

**(Tay Bridge Disaster by W. McGonagall, I don't think it is terrible)**

 **Thank you for being so patient with me! This is over 6K words...much more then I expected...I actually never expected this to get this long. I hope you have plenty of laughs XD Btw, from now on, I will be adding summaries.**

 **Summary: The Spriggan 12 are celebrating New Year's Eve. Wahl has brought a game from Ishgar known as Master's Game. What shenanigans will the Zeref and the Spriggan go through this time? Just to add to the craziness...Zeref got drunk...Uh oh** **.**

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" 3!"

" 2!"

" 1!"

" HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

The fireworks lit up the black night sky in a multicolored explosive show. Reds, blues, greens, and yellows blanketing the sky in a coordinated manner. Each firework was a flower desperately wanting its moment to show-off. The crowds surrounding the palace all jeered and awed at the spectacular sight of the Alvarezian light show. There are whispers that the Emperor himself plans them but it was never confirmed.

"YAY! IT IS FINALLY x793!" cheered Bloodman. She swung her glass mug around, a huge grin plastered on her face. For the special occasion, she switched from her usual outfit into a green short-cuffed suede dress and thigh high brown boots.

Neinhart growled from his spot on the bench next to the spirited Spriggan. "Stop throwing your mug about Sukin Nottori…you will get your beer all over me."

Bloodman scowled, "You know I hate being called that Bat-Man!"

Neinhart calmly sipped his wine, "That's what they call you; Sukin Nottori Bloodman."

"What the hell does that mean!?" A loud voice interrupted.

Neinhart's eyelids lowered and Bloodman let out a sigh, an angry vein throbbing on her forehead.

"Hasn't any one told you to not interrupt people Ajeel?!"

Ajeel smirked, "I don't have enough respect for you to not interrupt you Sukin Nottori."

Bloodman's crystal mug shattered, "Call me that again Dust Bunny…and you will become my new take-over." She hissed.

"Get a room you two…" Neinhart monotonously commented still sipping his drink.

Ajeel leaned closer, his nose inches from Bloodman's. "Just wanna know what your nickname means." The smirk he had plastered on his face deepened into his infamous cocky smile. "Wait, I think I can guess…I bet it means selfish whore-"

"THAT'S IT!" Bloodman snatched Neinhart's glass of wine out of his hand and smashed it into Ajeel's face.

"GAHHHHHHHH!" Ajeel was thrown back as the glass shattered in his face, the wine going up his nose, dripping into his mouth and burning his eyes. The glass nicked his bronze skin, causing small beads of blood to form on his face.

"WHAT THE HELL!" he shouted in surprise and anger.

"YOU DESERVED IT YOU BASTERD!" Bloodman yelled back at him, "AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, SUKIN NOTTORI MEANS SKIN HIJACKER YOU UNEDUCATED SON OF A-"

Before she could finish her sentence, a large shadow fell on the couple. Ajeel looked up with blood-shot eyes and paled. Bloodman upon spotting his horrified expression also turned around, her jaw dropped. Neinhart somehow lifted the entire 70 foot long table and was holding it over his head with his bare hands. Several angry veins were popped out on his forehead, his face dark with rage.

"Sugar Honey Iced Tea…" Bloodman and Ajeel muttered before Neinhart threw the table at them.

CRASH

The table slammed into the Spriggans crushing them into the tile floor.

"Again?" August, the oldest of the Spriggans, shook his head disapprovingly, "His majesty just repaired the palace walls from your tantrum last week. The expenses are stacking up. Soon we won't be able to afford anymore property damage and his Majesty might have to banish you from the palace."

Neinhart glared at the Magic King then stomped away to probably his room.

August approached the table, "Bloodman, Ajeel, are you alright?"

No answer.

Suddenly, August heard loud weeping.

"My mangoes…" Brandish grieved, "My precious star-mangoes which I was saving up to try on New Years…all destroyed…"

"Wow Randi…that's all you are concerned?!" Dimaria asked, "What about Bloodman and Ajeel?"

Brandish sniffed, "I don't like people, Marie."

At that Dimaria smiled, "I guess we have a lot more in common then you think."

The table shifted, August turned back to find Ajeel and Bloodman heaving it up.

"This table…" Ajeel muttered under his breath.

"Is heavy…" Bloodman finished.

"Look Randi, they survived Neinhart's tantrum." Dimaria laughed.

Brandish lowered her head, her short apple green hair covering her eyes, "I don't care about them Marie…my mangoes got crushed. I am going back to my room. I have nothing to celebrate but despair."

Bloodman stepped forward to gain a better hold but she stepped on a piece of mango, sending her foot flying from beneath her.

"KYA!" The table along with Bloodman collapsed on one side.

Ajeel was completely unprepared to Bloodman's collapse and he fell too, landing on top of her, the table falling on them both in a loud boom.

Dimaria collapsed on the floor laughing. She held on to her stomach and rolled around on the ground. "THAT!" she wheezed, "IS KARMA RIGHT THERE!" Her laughs came out in short fits of giggles and snorts. Brandish rolled her eyes and August sighed.

"Youngsters these days." With a flick of his finger, August shrunk the table to relieve Bloodman and Ajeel from the excess weight. The table flew off along with Ajeel.

"PERVERT!" Bloodman shouted whilst holding up her leg from kicking him.

The table slammed against a pillar, snapping in half. Ajeel himself slammed into the quartz wall and collapsed in a heap onto the ground.

"HYA HYA HYA HYA!" A familiar hyena-like laughter echoed throughout the large room, "HYA HYA AJEEL GOT HIS ASS KICKED AGAIN HYA HYA HYA!"

Everyone turned around to find a man with wild black hair, a hell of an amount of mascara and eye liner, and razor sharp teeth laughing like a mad man at them.

"Want to join Ajeel, Wahl?!" Bloodman hissed at him, her eyes twinkled with malicious intent.

At that remark, Ajeel stood up. "Damn you Bloodman." He hissed.

Bloodman looked over her shoulder, her eye lids half closed, her lips curled as she gave him a teasing smile.

"Finally up…Dust Bunny." Her voice lowered an octave.

Ajeel felt his cheeks heat up slightly, he gulped, trying to swallow his rapidly increasing pulse.

"Hey, lovebirds, there is empty closet down the hall." Dimaria smirked as their cheeks burned and Bloodman tried to stutter a retort.

Suddenly, the dark oak door to the room swung open…

"DID YOU MISS ME!" Serena announced, taking a pose, a spot light appeared over him and glitter fluttered everywhere. Everyone in the room sweat-dropped.

"Ewwwww" Brandish said.

Serena did another pose, "I take that as a compliment."

"How can anyone be this annoying… Bloodman clenched her fists, "I am so tempted to take his body so he would just shut up."

Ajeel snickered, "I never knew you were so desperate Bloodman."

"Shut up Dust Bunny." She hissed back at him.

Wahl approached the two bickering Spriggans, "I don't understand you two…" he said, "If you two humans like eachother, then just admit it."

"WE. DON'T. LIKE. EACH OTHER!" Bloodman and Ajeel shouted at Wahl.

Wahl smirked, "Sure you don't, but that doesn't matter. LET'S PLAY A GAME!" He announced, holding up a mug filled with popsicle sticks.

"YESSSS A GAME! CAN WE INCLUDE GLITTER!" Serena howled.

"NOOOOOO!" All the Spriggans shouted in horror.

Serena collapsed to his knees. "Why…WHY MUST THE WORLD REJECT ME!" A spot light once again hit Serena as he threw his arms into the air. "YOU MIGHT AS WELL AS KILL ME! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT GLITTER! WAHL PLEASE DO THE HONORS AND CUT MY HEAD OF MY SHOULDERS!" he bowed to the Machine.

"You got to be kidding…" Dimaria sweat-dropped.

"Aye…" Everyone mirrored.

"Well, are we gonna start the game or not!" Wahl shouted, shaking the mug of popsicles.

"What happened here!"

Everyone swiftly turned around to find a very displeased Emperor Zeref and Invel.

"Oh crap…" Ajeel mumbled.

The once clean and groomed room was utterly destroyed. Mushed up food littered the once sparkling wood floor, the expensive Eastern carpets covered in stains that will never wash out, the walls were scratched and there was even a hole in the wall from Ajeel's impact. The table that was made from a rare black cherry wood was broken beyond repair. Splinters stuck out of the painting that lined the pink quartz walls.

Bloodman immediately jumped to her feet . "IT WAS NEINHART! HE THREW THE TABLE AT US!"

"Again…" Invel shook his head, "That's no excuse, LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HIS MAJESTY'S PAINTINGS AND CARPETS!"

Bloodman lowered herself slowly to the floor. "Sorry!" she squeaked.

Zeref inspected the room, his eyes darkening as rage slowly built up in his chest. He ground his teeth, trying to prevent an outburst.

August got to his knees and bowed, to be slowly imitated by everyone else. Icy silence weighted down on the guilty Spriggans.

Zeref lifted his head, his usual soft black eyes hardening, "You have exactly three seconds to come up with a single reason I shouldn't banish you from this country!" He boomed.

Everyone visibly flinched at the Emperor's uproar.

"Um…" Dimaria stuttered.

"WE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO PLAY THE GUILD MASTER GAME!" Wahl shouted.

"Excuse me?!"

"The Guild Master game!" The machine held out the mug of sticks, "We wanted to play with you…please!" He begged.

Zeref was left speechless.

Invel frowned at Wahl, "His majesty doesn't have time for games since he has to constantly deal with you lot!"

"Please! Pretty please with a cherry on top!" Bloodman looked up from her position on the floor.

"If you play, we will clean up this entire room with no magic or help from servants!" Dimaria said, her eyes sparkling with hope.

"MARIE!" Brandish cried out, glaring at the female knight.

"What?! I am trying to save our asses here!" hissed Dimaria into Brandish's ear.

A grin formed on Zeref's face, "Very well, Invel and I will play said game, and you will cleanup this room."

Invel furrowed an eyebrow, "You majesty? I don't think this is a wise idea…"

Zeref glanced at Invel, "A deal is a deal, plus they will pay for the damages out of their own pocket."

"EHHH!" the Spriggans cried out.

"Now how do we play this game?" Zeref ignored their protests.

The Spriggans plus Zeref sat in a circle in the center of the room (away from the puréed food)

"It's simple," exclaimed Wahl, "We pick a stick, the one with the crown emblem is the master, he commands a number or more from one to eight to do something, like number three has to punch number eight. The master's wish is absolute."

"Sounds simple enough." Zeref tapped his chin.

"I still firmly believe this is a terrible idea!" Invel muttered, his arms crossed as he inspected every one of his comrades.

Wahl placed the mug in the middle, "PICK ONE!"

All nine of them grabbed one.

"Who's the master? Zeref asked.

"HYA HYA HYA HYA!" Wahl collapsed on his back from laughing, his eyes wide and mouth wide open, "I AM HYA HYA HYA!"

"Stop laughing like a hyena rusty bolts…" muttered Bloodman, displeased by the outcome.

"I COMMAND…" Wahl smirked as he looked about the room, "NUMBER SIX MUST SIT ON NUMBER NINE'S LAP WHILE NUDE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME!"

"EHHHHHHHH!" Everyone exclaimed in horror.

Dimaria muttered curses under her breath as she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra. Brandish shifted uncomfortably.

"AHHHHH!" Zeref covered his eyes, trembling.

Invel leapt to his feet, "I KNEW IT! THIS GAME WAS RIGGED FROM THE START! I'M LEAVING!"

As soon as Invel turned to go, a wall of pink marking surrounded the group.

"RUNES!" Invel cried out.

 _No one can leave until the game ends, and no one can undo these runes unless I give permission to do so._

"August!?" Zeref glared at the Magic King who raised his arms in defense,

"I didn't do it your majesty. To be frank, I would like to leave as well."

"OH NO!" Serena cried out, "WE WILL BE STUCK IN HERE FOREVER AND DIE FROM STARVATION AND UNCLEANNESS!"

"Shut up Serena." Dimaria said as she sat without any clothes on Brandish's lap, a light blush covering both girls' cheeks.

Unbeknownst to everyone, someone was watching them with a smug grin and a camera lacrima. Everything was going by plan.

"I can never unsee this…" Zeref turned away, face bright red.

"Has he ever seen a person of the opposite gender naked?" Bloodman whispered to Ajeel.

"Don't think so."

 _Somewhere in Ishgar…_

Mavis sneezed, "Why do I feel the need to kill the blonde knight from the twelve Spriggans?"

 _Back in Alvarez_

"HYA HYA HYA!" Wahl was rolling on the ground laughing, everyone just did another round and he again became the master.

"THAT'S IT!" Ajeel lunged at Wahl, "I KNOW YOU CHEATED BASTERD!"

"Boys…stop fighting, that's not going to finish the game faster." August began. Wahl grabbed Ajeel by his neck tie and threw him into August.

"HYA HYA, YOU CAN'T BEAT THE ADJUCATOR AJEEL!" Wahl laughed.

Suddenly, the runes reappeared again with added text,

 _No one can use their abilities to cheat in this game. Do a redraw._

Wahl's grin faded, "Aw man…just when things started to get good…"

Everyone placed the popsicle sticks back into the mug and redrew.

"YAY!" Bloodman jumped, a cheerful smile plastered on her face, "I am the master!"

"I foresee a dark future." Dimaria muttered under her breath, still sitting on Brandish's lap without clothes.

Bloodman stuck her tongue out at the two, "Shut up, I have the perfect command." Her eyes glinted with a mischievous intent.

"I….order number ten to drink four mugs of beer at once!"

Silence

"Who's number ten?" she asked, confused of no one's response.

Zeref, who was sitting slightly diagonally to avoid looking at the nude Spriggan, raised his hand. "It is I."

"WHAT!" Invel cried out, "BUT YOUR MAJESTY, YOU CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL! YOU NEVER HAD A DROP IN YOUR LIFE! WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS!"

Zeref sighed, "It's an order, I have to obey the rules if we are to be free. If I have to drink alcohol, so be it."

"BUT-"

Zeref raised his hand, silencing Invel, "If I start acting dangerously, knock me out. That's an order." he commanded.

"Um…guys…" Dimaria asked, "But, how are we going to get the beer?"

As she said this, a glass pitcher and a crystal mug materialized next to Zeref. He took in a deep breath and poured the contents into the mug. A concoction the color of honey flowed into the mug, Zeref's eyes widened when a huge mass of white bubbles overflowed the cup covering his hand in its cool stickiness.

Zeref raised the glass to his nose, sniffing the drink he was about to consume. His lip curled slightly in disgust.

"It smells like cleaner."

"It's alcohol, what did you expect?" Bloodman said sarcastically.

Zeref unsurely brought the cup to his lips, cringing as he tipped it and the beer flooded his mouth. His eyes bugged out and he promptly spit it out, spraying Serena.

"BLAH!" He stuck his tongue out, "This is disgusting, how do you drink this stuff!"

"We man up and ignore the bitterness." Ajeel replied only to earn a glare from Invel.

"You belittle his majesty one more time and I will freeze your butt to the floor."

Ajeel stuck his tongue at Invel.

"You have to do it Bipolar Mortulo. Jug it up."

Zeref visibly flinched and again raised the mug to his lips.

"JUST DRINK THE DAMN THING ALREADY!" shouted Brandish.

Zeref gurgled the entire thing down, his face turning green. After a minute, he lowered the glass and coughed violently.

"This *cough* is pure *cough* torture." the Emperor wheezed.

"Three more cups to go." Serena poured Zeref another glass only for it to freeze over.  
"NO!" Invel grabbed the pitcher, freezing the contents, "I am not having his majesty drink anymore of this! That's final!"

Serena, Wahl, and Ajeel pouted. August lightly hit his chest, clearing his throat.

"Next round then?"

Everyone replaced the popsicle sticks and Bloodman shifted them around, mixing the light birch sticks well.

"ROUND THREE!" She called out and everyone grabbed a stick one by one.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHH!"a cry broke out, startling the Spriggans.

They all turned around to find…

"I KNOW I AM NOT A LUCKY PERSON BUT WHY DOES THE WORLD KEEP REMINDING ME THAT!" Emperor Zeref's face was covered in red splotches, tears ran down his cheeks like fountains.

"EHHHHHHHHHHH!?" cried the Spriggans in confusion.

"I've got…" Zeref sniffled, "The number 13…" he showed his popsicle which displayed the number seven…not even close to thirteen.

"Um…you Majesty?" Invel began, sweat developing on his forehead, "I think you have mistaken…"

At that, Zeref burst into more tears, "WAHHHHHHHHHH!"

"BLOODMAN!" Invel grabbed hold of Zeref allowing him to cry into his coat, "LOOK WHAT YOU DONE TO HIS MAJESTY!"

Zeref sniffled and looked up, his face all wet and splotchy, "Please Invel, don't shout anymore. It is too scary." he begged.

Invel stopped, his jaw hanging open from shock.

"HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHA!" Ajeel collapsed on the ground laughing he clutched his stomach as he wheezed and rolled, "EVEN THE EMPEROR THINKS YOU ARE STIFF, INVEL!"

A dark aura surrounded Zeref as he promptly lunged at Ajeel, ramming his fist into the Desert King's face, sending him flying into the runes.

"WHAT THE!" everyone's jaw dropped.

Zeref pouted at Ajeel, ignoring everyone's outcry, "That's what you get for being dishonorable, didn't your parents ever teach you to be kind to your comrades!"

"Oh my god, Ajeel is finally getting the lecture he needed!" Bloodman smirked, "I don't know about you all but I like drunk Zeref."

Zeref turned around and glared at Bloodman, her grin faded, "And you need to be more respectful! Stop calling people ridicules nick-names, that hurts self-esteem."

"I take that back." She grumbled as the Dimaria, Ajeel, and Wahl snickered at her.

"Can we just continue please!" Brandish exclaimed, "I want this game over with already."

 ** _I am so sorry but my internet refused to let me publish the full 6K work at once...so it is two parts...T.T_**


	4. New Year Special Part Two

**New Year Special part two. As I said** **previously, my computer didn't let me publish the full work at once...so I had to cut it into two...so sorry**

 **xxxxxxxxxx**

Everyone placed their sticks back into the cup and they were redistributed again. There were no tears this time.

August's wrinkly face lit up upon reading the content of his pick, "It looks like I am the master."

"FINALLY SOMEONE NORMAL!" Dimaria raised her hands up into the air, thanking the heavens.

August promptly removed a small black note from his cape's pocket. "My order is…everyone must listen to my poetry."

"Is that even allowed?" Bloodman asked under her breath.

Ajeel glanced at her and nodded.

"Wahl!" hissed Serena as he tugged on Wahl's grey jumpsuit sleeve, "Look, Ajeel is agreeing with Bloodman."

Wahl's head snapped up, his gaze meeting Serena's. Wide grins immediately spread on both of their faces. "They LIIIIIIIIIIKKK-"

"DON'T EVEN FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Bloodman threw a knife at the them.(where the hell did the knife come from) The two Spriggans shrieked as they jumped away, avoiding the attack.

A depressed aura surrounded August, his enthusiasm and charisma dissipating.

"I just wanted to share my poems…" he mumbled.

Zeref smiled, a grin that none of the Spriggans witnessed before. It was a soft expression filled with warmth. His cheeks were slightly aglow with a tinge of rouge.

"No one said you couldn't. I want to hear."

A confident expression established on August. He smiled at the Emperor.

"Very well." He flipped open the book onto a random page, "Here I go…

 _Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!_

 _Alas! I am very sorry to say_

 _That ninety lives have been taken away_

 _On the last Sabbath day of 1879,_

 _Which will be remember'd for a very long time."_

Brandish visibly flinched, her features squished expressing her disgust. No one fared better. Everyone was either clutching their ears or shaking their head in pity. No one had the heart to tell him…August seemed to gain more morale and his voice gained more momentum and power:

 _"'_ _Twas about seven o'clock at night,_

 _And the wind it blew with all its might,_

 _And the rain came pouring down,_

 _And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,_

 _And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-_

 _"_ _I'll blow down the Bri-"_

"WAHHHHHHHHHH" Zeref screamed at the top of his lungs, tears already pouring down his cheeks, "MAKE IT STOP! IT'S TERRIBLE! MAKE HIM STOP!"

August faltered, his mouth agape, opening and closing like a fish out of water. Confusion and depression clouded the Magic King's features.

"I…I…I…"

Zeref continued to cry, "My ears are gonna fall off!"

Invel was patting him on the back, allowing the Emperor to cry on his shoulder.

"Invel?" Zeref looked up at the ice mage, "Will my ears fall off?"

"Huh?" Invel realized Zeref's face was within centimeters from his own. A huge blush formed on Invel's cheeks. His mind working a mile per a minute. Do not kiss him, do not kiss him. He kept repeating to himself. No matter how cute Zeref looks, no kissing!

"This can't be anymore obvious, can it…" mumbled Brandish.

"He's drunk…he won't notice what's going on around him." Bloodman said.

"I…I…I…worked so hard." August was hunching over in a corner of the runes, an aura of depression hanging around him.

Dimaria snorted, "HAHAHAHHA, I can't believe how blunt his Majesty has become! This is for the history books!"

Zeref's somber and watery expression darkened, he glared at Dimaria.

"Shut up blondie!"

"WHAT THE!" Dimaria couldn't finish her sentence as she was left speechless.

"Did he just…" Brandish began.

"HAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!" Ajeel, Wahl, and Serena fell over laughing.

"You jerks…" Dimaria hissed, finally gaining her composure.

"Let's just get on with the game." Bloodman said, "Are you going to join us August?"

August ignored Bloodman, the aura around him darkening.

"Ok…I guess not." She held out the cup as everyone placed their popsicle sticks.

She swirled the cup around and placed it in the center of the circle.

Ajeel smirked upon getting his popsicle, "Guess what, I am the master!"

"God have mercy…" Bloodman silently prayed.

"HEY!" Ajeel glared at Bloodman.

"Just give the order already!" Brandish shouted, her entire face red…possibly from the closeness of Dimaria in her naked glory.

"Fine…" suddenly, Ajeel's scowl turned into the biggest and cockiest grin they have ever witnessed, "I order…" he pointed into the air as if preparing to the drop the baddest bomb ever, "NUMBER FOUR MUST GIVE NUMBER EIGHT A LAP DANCE!"

Silence.

"WHAT!" Invel chocked out, he looked at his popsicle stick carefully, it had a neat number four written on it.

Serena smiled, "Oooh, I am number eight!" he held his popsicle for everyone to see, "My body is ready!"

"NOOOO!" Invel jumped from his seat on the floor. "I AM NOT GIVING THIS…THIS DISGUSTING CREATURE…THAT!"

Zeref looked curiously at Invel, "What's a lap dance? Is it fun?"

Serena wiggled his eyebrows at Zeref, "Very."

The Black Wizard looked puzzled, "Then why doesn't Invel want to do it? And what does it look like anyway?"

"DON'T TAINT HIM!" Invel shouted at Serena, "HIS INNOCENCE MUST BE PRESERVED!"

Zeref looked at Invel from under his bangs, "Do it.." He ordered, his voice lost all cheerfulness and curiosity.

Serena stretched out his legs, a smug smile etched on his face.

Invel looked down at the legs, then at Zeref who once again was looking at him with curiosity. Shutting his eyes, Invel ground his teeth together. His eyes snapped open.

"Is he gonna do it?" Bloodman whispered to Ajeel.

"He better."

Invel swiftly turned around and with a flick of his wrist, Serena was frozen solid.

"That's a lap dance." he said.

Zeref pouted, "That doesn't look fun. I am never doing it."

Invel sighed in relief and sat next to the Emperor.

"CHEATER!" Ajeel leapt to his feet, pointing at the Winter General, "IT WAS AN ORDER AND YOU DISOBEYED!"

Invel pushed up his glasses higher on his nose, they flickered as the light was reflected off them. In an instant, Ajeel was also turned into an ice statue.

"Let's just finish this game." he said monotonously.

"He just froze two of the most annoying people to ever exist…" Brandish whispered to Dimaria.

"Yeah…and I don't want to be his next victim."

"Next round…" Bloodman announced, silently agreeing with Dimaria.

Everyone carefully observed Bloodman's hand as she mixed the sticks and administered them face down.

"YAY! I AM THE MASTER!" Zeref leapt to his feet grinning from ear-to-ear.

"I feel like I should be scared…" Wahl said, looking slightly pale.

"More likely not, what's the worst can he do. Considering his current mood, I think he will probably make you give him a piggy-back ride." Invel pushed his spectacles higher on his nose.

Unfortunately, Zeref's kid-in-a-candystore attitude didn't last. His eyes started to sparkle with mischief and a despicable smile crept on his face, alarming his companions.

August clutched his popsicle stick closer, "I don't like that look…"

"Why am I shaking?!" Wahl started trembling uncontrollably.

Zeref's smile deepened into a full out malicious sneer. He raised his left hand and snapped his finger. The lights flickered and the temperature lowered several degrees. A black book materialized in Zeref's hand. He instantly hid it from sight.

"Here is my order!" He commanded, "The one who has to open this book is…number three!"

"OH SHIT!" Wahl cried out, he scooted as far away as he possible could from Zeref, "WHY ME?!"

Zeref held out the book whilst smiling sweetly, "My orders are absolute Wahl, not only was I chosen master…but I am your Emperor."

"God dammit Bloodman…" Wahl cursed as he snatched the book from Zeref, "If it wasn't for you…"

"Sorry!"

Wahl stuck his tongue out at the Sukin Nottori and snapped open the leather covered book.

Suddenly, the ground beneath the Spriggans began shaking, Clouds of purple smoke sprung out from the book, causing Wahl to drop it. Zeref's grin only widened as everyone began coughing.

"HEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEHEH!" A chirpy voice filled the room with obnoxious laughter, "I've been revived! HEHEHEHEHEH! Zeref-sama has revived me!"

The smoke cleared away revealing a girl with bunny ears wearing a lab coat and a white tie with 1/16 written on it. She had an abhorrent look on her face as she inspected her surroundings.

"Who…is that…" Invel began.

The girl was upon him in seconds, her face turned serious as she inspected him.

As sudden as the serious expression appeared, it vanished.

"You are a handsome hunk!" She squealed as she tried to hug him.

"KEEEEEEE!" Invel shrieked and dove behind Brandish and Dimaria.

"Awwww…" The girl looked disappointed, "He was so cute too…" She turned around and spotted Wahl. Her small black eyes widened as her mouth made a letter 'o'.

"I FOUND TRUE LOVE!" She squealed and jumped at Wahl.

Wahl never had a chance to jump out of the way as Lamy landed on top of him and hugged him close by his neck.

"You are such cute batooty, you look better then Jackal-kun! Let's have many babies together!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Wahl desperately tried to pry off the demon, "SOMEONE HELLLPPPPP ME!"

"Aren't you a machine Wahl?" Bloodman asked, being very helpful by sitting beside him.

"YES?"

"Then can't you not…well…do that?"

The machine tried to say something only to be cut off by the demon as she hugged him so tightly he couldn't utter a word.

"Am I the only one who is starting to feel sorry for him…" Brandish asked the group, focusing her glance at Zeref who was cupping his head into his hands.

"WAHHHHHH!" Zeref dropped his hands allowing tears to dribble down his cheeks.

"EHHHH!" The Spriggans cried out.

"Wahl doesn't appreciate my efforts for finding him a non-human friend." he sniffed, "Being the only non-human here, I thought he was lonely…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…HELP ME!" Wahl broke the inconceivable silence as he tried to wrestle the crazy demon of his neck.

Sadly, his cries were ignored as the clock on a mantle piece struck four.

"Guys…I don't know about you, but I want to finish this game already," Bloodman rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes, "August, with me?"

No answer. Bloodman cocked an eyebrow, "August?" she turned to find the Magic King drooping to one side, his face was leaning forward and loud snores could be heard.

"He must be getting old." Invel observed from behind Bloodman.

A low hiss escaped Bloodman's lips as she sneered at him, "Great job stating the obvious virgin princess."

Silence

"HAHAHAHHAHAAHAH!" Dimaria burst out laughing, she clutched her stomach leaning forward, struggling to breath.

"Silence yourself Dimaria!" Invel shouted at the nude blonde, "That is disrespectful!" He turned to Bloodman, his eyes ablaze, "and YOU…how dare you call me that hideous name!"

Bloodman stuck her tongue at Invel, "Like I care!"

"You-"

Brandish felt her patience snap, "SHUT UP ALREADY! WE NEED TO FINISH THIS GAME NOW!"

She grabbed hold of the cup and forced everyone to place their sticks in. She mixed it up and handed them out. Zeref cheerfully took his, the alcohol still having an affect. Invel snatched it out of her hand while Wahl barely grasped it since he was currently being choked to death by a demon. Bloodman rolled her eyes and plucked the popsicle out of Brandish's hand. Dimaria was the second to last to receive hers.

"Who's the master?" Zeref asked.

Brandish glanced at her stick and a small smile crept at her glossed lips.

"Brandish is the master…" Bloodman announced.

She inspected the players carefully. Her green eyes narrowed calculating exactly what to command. Her gaze fell to Dimaria's tightly clutched stick, a curve of a letter stuck out from the tip of her finger. The smile deepened.

"I command…" Brandish began, "That number two is to put on a cat costume I have and purr to the person on their right!"

There was no one on Dimaria's right…guess who she had to purr to?

To her utter confusion, Dimaria made no move to put on the cat costume she removed from her coat. In fact, she didn't move at all.

"Can you give me the costume?" Brandish nearly shrieked when she saw Bloodman reaching to her, her hand held out.

Reluctantly, Brandish handed the costume over, her dreams all but shattered.

Bloodman scooted behind Dimaria and Brandish to fit into her new attire.

"So who sits on Bloodman's right?" asked Zeref.

Wahl raised his hand. The little demon, who was playing with his hair froze, her eyes widening, realizing exactly what this meant.

Bloodman walked out from behind Dimaria and Brandish. What she wore would put even Erza Scarlet to shame. She wore brown cat ears and a chocker with a bell along with matching brown furry paws. The bra…if you can call it bra consisted of a thin brown lace to cover just the bare minimum. To add, she wore a thong with a long furry brown tail. Bloodman clutched her chest, her face all flustered.

"Don't look at me…" she whimpered.

Invel's eyes widened and instantly sheilded Zeref's eyes.

"Trust me your majesty… please do yourself a favor and keep your eyes closed."

Zeref obeyed.

"HYA HYA HYA!" Wahl laughed at the skin hijacker, "To bad Ajeel is not conscious to see you like this. I think he would have liked what he say!"

"SHUT UP RUSTY BOLTS!" Bloodman kicked him in the face.

"LEAVE MY LOVE ALONE!" Lamy jumped at Bloodman, "I WILL KILL YOU FOR TRYING TO SEDUCE HIM!"

"Ehhhhh?!" Wahl's eyes bugged out, "That doesn't even make sense! I'm a machine!"

Bloodman was sent skidding backwards as Lamy grabbed hold of her neck, try to choke her.

"DIE BITCH!" Lamy howled as she managed to topple Bloodman over and gained a good hold on her neck.

Bloodman's eyebrows knitted together, bile rising up her throat as breathing became difficult for her. At that a fire ignited in her chest.

"ENNOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Her voice rang loud and clear, echoing off the walls and startling everyone including the demon who was currently trying to choke her. Lamy's grip loosened. A smirk formed on her painted lips and she grabbed hold of the demon's collar and threw her into the ceiling.

CRASH

Bloodman smiled to herself, "Duty do-"

She never had the chance to finish her sentence, someone fell from the ceiling, landing on top her. She lost consciousness instantly.

"Bloodman?"

Wahl turned the head of the person who fell on her over.

"HYA HYA HYA!" He cackled, "She threw that little demon so hard she actually managed to reach four stories up and get Neinhart! HYA HY-" He stopped as the runes reappeared, then shattered.

"Wait a second…" the Adjucator itched his head, "How…how did she hit him from four stories up if Bloodman didn't even throw her hard enough to break the next floor's quartz tiles?"

"Unless…" Dimaria continued, getting to her feet to investigate the hole, "Neinhart was on this floor hiding in the ceiling…" Her brown eyes widened.

"THAT BASTERD!" They shouted.

"I see…" Invel pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. "Neinhart is talented at runes. Thus he must have put these runes up and forced us to play this…torture."

Brandish frowned at the lacrima camera she was holding. "He was taking pictures apparently…but it is password locked."

Wahl snatched the lacrima from Brandish's hands, "Let me see!"

"He needs to be punished!" Invel scowled at the senseless Neinhart, "What do you think your Majesty?"

No responce.

Invel turned his head to find Zeref curled up in a ball and peacefully sleeping on his hands.

"He must be tired from aaaalllll that craziness." Dimaria barely stifled a yawn, "I think I am gonna put on my clothes and head to bed, we can clean this tomorrow."

Invel nodded but sat down in place, "I am staying here to watch over his majesty, since no one else here are in any condition to protect him if necessary."

"Whatever you say frosty, I'm going. Come one Randi."

Brandish sleepily followed Dimaria out of the room.

Wahl grinned at Invel, "I'm just gonna plug myself in, night virgin princess."

"HEY!"

His cry went ignored.

Time Skip Next Morning:

"I have an announcement!" Neinhart clapped his hands gaining all his comrades's attention.

They all looked up at him with exhausted and slightly sick expressions.  
"I see you all slept well-" Neinhart began, his tone slightly teasing.

"LIKE HELL WE DID!" Bloodman leapt from her seat, pointing her finger at him "We know it was you Neinhart!"

Neinhart shrugged, "Well then, I guess it shortens my announcement, I humbly request for a worship Neinhart day."

Zeref rubbed his temples to soothe the ringing pain shooting through his entire skull from Bloodman's outburst, "What if I don't grant you wish?"

Neinhart removed a paper packet from his pocket. "I have these!" he smiled at the group.

"Wait a second…are those the photos you took from your hiding place in the ceiling last night!" Invel cried out, his eyes popping out of his sockets.

Neinhart's smile deepened as he nodded, "I have a special one of you especially Invel."

Invel's face turned tomato red, he blubbered incoherently as the memory of nearly kissing Zeref popped into his head. Neinhart smiled at Bloodman twitching his head Ajeel's direction. Said Spriggan cocked his brow in confusion when Bloodman bared her teeth at the black mailer. Neinhart continued to look at each and every member who participated in the last night's antics, his grin growing bigger with each angry or flustered reaction. Finally, he stopped at Zeref, the grin looked like it was going to pop off his face,

"I've got very interesting pictures of your behavior…I wonder how Fairy Tail will react?"

Zeref's eyebrow twitched, "Sit down Neinhart, I have a terrible headache and I don't need anyone making it worse."

With that, Zeref snapped his fingers turning the paper package holding the photos into dust. Neinhart never looked so heart broken.

"THANK YOU YOUR MAJESTY!" Bloodman, Dimaria, and Invel exclaimed in an ear-shattering out cry. Zeref grabbed his ears and cringed as the pain hit tenfold.

"Can you all please quiet down? Dammit, someone get me some Advil!"


	5. Gajeel vs Wahl

**Sorry for the wait, had a ton going on. Hopefully I will be finished with Neinhart the Cupid asap. 2k words in XD**

 _Summary: In which Wahl and Gajeel clash in the strangest of circumstances_

"HYA HYA HYA!"

A familiar cackling echoed throughout the guild hall sending mixed reactions among the many guild members. The adjucator Wahl and two other Spriggans were serving their one year service to Ishgar by completing S class or above jobs. The money which was earned was given to their "care givers" that they were forced to partner with while they were in Fiore. Currently, Wahl was sitting on the counter cackling at whatever Neinhart had said earning judgmental scowls for disturbing the so called "peaceful" atmosphere of the guild hall.

"So the heart of any guild is its bar?!" crowed Wahl as he scanned the counter and barmaid Mira in a flick of his head. Mira hesitated in her dish drying, her blue eyes looking up to meet the machine's curious glaze.

"What a very interesting observation Wahl, I think that you might be right. The majority of guilds do serve alcohol to their wizards; perhaps as a way for them to relax while searching for jobs." A half smile forming on her face. Wahl itched his temple as he looked at her slightly perplexed.

"I don't understand you humans, why would y'll drink actual poison?" Wahl smirked as he switched on his information board and scanned through his memory chip, "It causes brain damage, blackout, memory loss, anxiety and that's only if you drink it occasionally." He looked back at the take-over mage, eyes narrowed in suspicion, "If I didn't know better I would've thought you were trying to poison your nakama. " his voice barely a whisper.

Mira giggled, her pale hand covering her mouth, "That's a very good point Wahl." she ducked under the counter removing an empty wine bottle, "Maybe you should talk to the master about it."

Wahl opened his mouth to answer when…

CRUNCH

"This is some good metal." Someone mumbled almost incoherently.

Wahl slowly turned his head, why couldn't he feel his arm all of the-

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Wahl's eyes nearly popped out of his head.

Gajeel, the resident iron/steel dragon slayer has within one bite devoured his entire forearm.

"HOLY SHIT WHY ARE YOU EATING ME!" Wahl jerked what was left of his arm away and leapt off the table, attempting to put distance between himself and the evil being trying to eat him.

Gajeel smirked, wires sticking out from his mouth, "Gihi, 'cause I'm hungry and you're yummy."

"SHIT!" Wahl shrieked, his eyes bugging out, "NO WAY I AM LETTING YOU EAT ME!"

Gajeel shrugged, "Nah, I'm gonna eat you."

"NOOOOOOO!" Wahl took off, pushing through the crowd out of the guild. He desperately clutched his arm wildly looking around for an escape route to hide in.

"COME BACK HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU!" A gruff voice shouted behind him, coming every closer.

It only made Wahl run faster.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zeref has seen a lot in his day; dragons killing humans, humans killing dragons, dragons killing dragons, humans killing humans and so on.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!" A dust cloud that was moments before in the far distant, came ever so closer in remarkable speed.

Zeref cocked an eyebrow along with Mavis who stood beside him.

"Who's that?" She asked, her green eyes looking at the closing in dust cloud with seriousness.

"HELLLLPPPPP ME!" the voice called, "SOME BASTERD IS TRYING TO EAT ME!"

Zeref's jaw slackened, "Wahl?" he said more to himself.

As soon as he said the Machina's name, Wahl Icht zoomed past the couple, jets enhancing his speed.

"What is he running from?" Mavis asked.

Suddenly, another figure ran past them, "COME BACK HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU!"

Zeref and Mavis blinked, "Of all the things to happen today…" the black wizard said, his voice monotonic.

Mavis silently agreed.

Unfortunately, Gajeel continued to chase Wahl throughout Magnolia, cackling as the poor robot was to afraid to do anything but run.


	6. The Possible End

**A quick head canon on Obra being part of the 12**

 **Summary: Lucy discovers someone who could bring about the end of the war...and Fairy Tail**

"U alright?" Lucy asked, her dark eyes narrowing at the prisoner before her. The man snorted and glanced at her from beneath his Raven locks.

"As well as a man can be behind bars." He muttered. Dark, blood thirsty eyes met her's, sending a chill up her spine. Lucy gulped, swallowing her growing fear. He continued to look at her, eyes lazy but calculative. "How intriguing..." His voice trailed off, a whisper of a smile forming his lips.

Lucy glared at him, her right hand slowly lowering and clutching her precious keys, they were warm in her palm. She squeezed them tighter. "What's interesting?" She heard herself say.

The man's smile deepened, "you look familiar. I was wondering from where I seen your face. Now I recall." Lucy shifted uneasily under his gaze.

Somehow, even while he was sitting on the ground and she stood over him, he was looking down at her, like a predator looked at its prey.

"Yes, indeed," he continues in that soft voice of his, "U are Lucy Heartfillia." Lucy slowly nodded as she backed away from the bars. The half smile broke into a malicious grin, "ah yes, Miss Lucy Heartfillia, I hope you remember me? Do you?"

Lucy shuffled through her memory, not a single person she had met had a face like his. No face she's seen matched his pale complexion, dark, cold eyes, ebony hair, and the small scar that traveled up from his pointed jaw, across his cheek and around his eye, stopping at his temple.

"No, sorry" she said curtly.

He sighed, "why must I always spell everything out to you Ishgarians." His voice lowered a few notes, "I wonder what a show it would have been if I haven't stopped you from casting that spell on Flare hmm~"

Lucy felt as if someone dropped lead on her chest. Her mind wrapped around itself, no, no, it can't be. It can't be, he is the one who... Her body started shaking uncontrollably. No...no...no...

The man got to his feet, "my name is Oberon, Obra for short. Now you remember me? Now you recall what I alone can do to you and your friends?"

He gripped the bars making them scream as he bent them forward. Lucy stood paralyzed in her place, Obra's eye the only feature she could see. His eye half closed, glassy, reflective of the images around him. "These cuffs and bars won't hold me for forever..."


	7. Wahl's Sacrifice

**Neinhart the Cupid is half way done**

 **Wish this was better quality .**

 **Summary: Wahl must make a sacrifice, or else the his people would cease the exist.**

It was a double edged sword. To do it or not was not even a decision. Either he died to save the _Heart_ or they all died. The huge mass of magic, bright red in color with veins of black threading throughout the surface kept him alive, it was what kept all the Machias alive. Every thousand years, the _Heart_ needed to absorb a host, the heir, or else it would break apart. All the Machias, including himself, would cease to exist. Unfortunately, he, Wahl Icht, was the current heir.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"

Wahl's ear sensors twitched, picking up the Serena's familiar voice. He slowly turned around, his jaw clenched. All the Spriggan 12 along with the Emperor were aligned at the base shore, all with the familiar fire in their eyes.

Zeref made his way to the edge of the rocky bank, his skin parched with scratches and burns. What battles did Wahl force them to fight through to stop the inevitable.

"Wahl, get back to the shore now!" He ordered, voice hoarse.

Wahl's expression softened.

"Wahl?" Another familiar voice shouted.

Invel skidded down the small slope and stood beside Zeref, his coat torn in several places, burned off in others. One shoulder completely red, blood dripped onto the rocks, painting them in drops of scarlet.

"Wahl, you don't have to do this!" Neinhart joined Invel, "Come back! Just because you came from this tribe doesn't mean you need to do what they say!"

Wahl's soft expression fell, "You guys don't know…" his voice quieter than a whisper.

All the 12 looked at the Machia with blank look and puzzled expressions.

"What do you mean Wahl?" Dimaria finally broke the silence, "Have you forgotten how to walk? Just come to us! We will break free together like a team! Come on you dope, let's go!"

"This magic," Wahl pointed at the Heart, ignoring Dimaria's outburst, "Is what keeps all Machias alive. If it doesn't absorb an heir, we all die."

The Machia looked down, hair curtaining their reactions, "Please." he heard himself beg, "don't make this anymore difficult than it already is." Wahl brushed the hair from his his face, taking in the last image of his comrades. They all were standing on the very edge of the shore, some softly sobbing, others rigid, tears threatening to escape their eyes.

"So…this is goodbye…" Zeref whispered shakily.

A gentle smile once again formed on Wahl's face, "It was fun guys." he tried to announce cheerfully, "I've gotten the opportunity to go on so many adventures with you all. Thank you." Something wet trickled down his cheek. "I guess this is good-bye"

Without another word, he turned his back on his friends. Wahl carefully reached out his hand, finger carefully passing through the Heart's forcefield.

It was instantaneous, his legs quickly gained a mind of their own and started their march towards the Heart. The heir hazily followed, eyes glued to his fate. The Spriggan 12 watched with teary eyes and horrid expressions as Wahl made his way to the single pedestal that stood directly beneath the Heart.

"Good bye…Wahl" Invel heard himself whisper.

The hypnotized Machia stepped onto the pedestal. He didn't once glance back. Suddenly, a single beam of light shot down from the Heart, striking Wahl.

A scream tore from Neinhart's throat. He lunged forward landing into the shallow water only to feel two pairs of arms holding from taking another step.

As if the heart gained its own pull, Wahl's now limp body was hoisted by an invisible force. The red mass fizzled as it absorbed him. It bulked and slowly turned. Murmurs of confusion echoed off the chamber's walls as several hundred machias, who were inside watching the rare ritual, whispered among themselves. August narrowed his eyes as the mass span faster and faster. The Heart noticeably shrank, wrapping itself around Wahl's body.

The confused murmurs grew louder until one of the Machia's cried out,  
WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

The Heart flashed so brightly all the 12 covered their eyes. When they were able to see clearly again, the Heart was gone. Instead, Wahl's body completely engulfed in silver light gently floated back to the pedestal.  
"Wahl?" Serena carefully called out.

The machia's eyes flew open, they were nothing but black holes.


	8. Till Next Time

**I lost a bet...T.T**

 **x799**

In Vistarion Alvarez, deep in the mountains overlooking the great Palace, was a valley. Filled with fig trees and a roaring river, it was picture perfect. So tranquil and calm as if the rest of the bustling world didn't exist. If you were to travel to this secluded spot, you would find right in the center of the valley, beneath a huge oak tree, 3 graves.

One was a deep shade of azul, another made of colorful granite and behind those two brilliant stones, a mounted black gravestone . Beside that particular grave, you would always find a fresh bouquet of soft pink roses. Where they came from no one knew. Well, at least those who never cared to stay.

"It is summer now."

A man reached out to the grave, caressing it like one would with silk.

"How many years has it been? I've lost count…" His fingers reached the name that was carved into the obsidian slab. The edges were softened by the wind and rain. Perhaps with his daily visits as well.

"I have a new greenhouse, I adopted some tropical flowers. However, managing the conditions required to mimic the conditions of the tropics is problematic, Invel's temper hasn't improved." He finished tracing the first four letters.

"I met someone today." the man stated, looking up into the cloudless sky, "A small boy. Energetic, clever, mischievous, juvenile. Reminded me of you." He quieted for a few moments.

"Do you believe in reincarnation Wahl?" That perhaps the life "here" isn't the first or last life we live?" He finished tracing the last name, his forefinger hesitated on the last letter.

A small breeze picked up, tossing the man's long blond hair.

A chuckle escaped his lips.

"No, you probably would question from which end of the earth I thought of such an absurd idea from. You would probably exclaim why contemplate about strange unearthly possibilities if I can think about the present…this moment right here and right now."

Another chuckle died in his throat. He grew silent. Lifting his hand off the grave, he glared at it.

"You know what's funny?" His voice cracked, "I always used my magic to fabricate the forms of people's enemies, loved ones, those that they lost to tragedy. I would then laugh as they struggled to find it in their hearts to hurt those Historias, or in some cases, tremble in fear as the Historia of their adversary beat them into the ground. Their eyes were always full of heartbreak, fear, confusion. I would trim the small strings of sanity they had left with a swipe of a hand. Like a magician in a magic show. And now…here I am, yearning to recreating you so I can pretend that you are alive. Pretend that the war never occurred in this life. Pretend that the pain I am possessed by isn't there. I could attempt that. Create your historia. Hold its form till the day I die. How tempting it is, the idea claws at my throat and the hole where the heart is supposed to be."

Blinking back tears, the man swallowed the sore lump in his throat.

"I can't…I can't do it. I can't look you in the eyes without losing my mind. Just imagining your smile when your first potted plant bloomed, I never seen you smile like that. I never wanted to forget. In fact, I have done the liberty of drawing that smile. I no longer dare to touch my sketchbook. I simply cannot."

Tears freely poured down the man's angular face, he clutched his head in his arms suppressing whimpers.

"Maybe." He hiccuped, "Reincarnation does exist. If so…in my next life, I want to do the things I never got a chance to experience with you. I want to see your smile again. I want to be right next to you. I want to be best friends next time Wahl. "

He cradled his head in his lap. Muffled weeping and trembling shoulders were his only companions in the several hours he remained seated in front of the silent grave.

A little boy watched from behind a bush. Part of him longed to comfort that man, another whispered in his ear to remain in his hiding spot. A gust of wind shook the trees, leaves torn off their branches. A small blossom, perhaps belonging to a late blooming fig tree, fluttered in the rough winds. It's light petals became the flower's parachute and it bobbed landing on the blond man's head. Suddenly, the man looked up as if startled.

"Till next time." A voice hummed in his ear before disappearing into the abyss of silence.


End file.
